Welcome to my life :)

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


It started about 2 weeks ago. Harper gets handed off to someone or is put down for more than 5 minutes. Immediately reaches for Mommy. If Mommy leaves the room or says "you are ok" immediately a blood curdling scream, followed by a flood of tears so thick it leaves his face and shirt soaked within seconds.

The first time it happened was a Mommy Bootcamp. He was in the stroller while I worked out around him. The first 5 minutes were ok. Than he started to realize I wasn't going to pick him up. He screamed, and screamed and screamed some more. At first I thought he'll stop. It's just because the stroller stopped. So I kept the stroller moving. Didn't work. Than I tried toys. Nope. Didn't work. Than I tried a snack. Nope, just screamed harder. I finally gave in and picked him up. Happy as can be. Me not so much as I tried to run and lift weights with a 20lb baby on my hip.

Next time it happened my father-in-law came to watch him while I went back to school for a meeting. He came in and I handed Harper over like I normally do. He looked at me and reached. I said, "you are ok." Screaming. Tears. I said, "I'll be back sweetie." Screams so hard that the screams stop making any sounds. I had to leave and it broke my heart.

Third time, Chris' aunt came to watch Harper as we went to a wedding. When we left he was still napping so we didn't witness the screams, but heard all about them when we called to check on him and when we came home.

The most recent time was today. I have been paying for a gym membership every month, that I have not been using. I figured today that I would give it a try and go back. They have a kids club and Harper likes other kids so this should be great for both of us. Nope. It started off great. He was smiley when we got there. Went right to the girls working. I was so excited. I told him good bye and that I would be back and went to work out. I thought we were great. I even got through 30 minutes on the elliptical. I had almost let a sigh of relief when I saw one of the girls coming towards me. "Harper's having a really hard time she said." Apparently he screamed on and off the entire time I worked out.

I'm almost at my wit's end. Every time he screams like that it breaks my heart. It makes me never want to leave him. But I have things I need to do and places I need to go. I am so torn. I feel like the worst mom ever making him cry. I guess all we can do is keep trying. This phase can't last forever, right?
My happy little man when he's with his Mommy & Daddy.


  1. Awww. That really is tough. Look at is this way, at least you know that he loves you (of course he does!). I never had a moment of separation anxiety in my life, and you know how things are between me and my parents, so there you go. Ahem.

    It doesn't last forever and it will get better, especially as he spends more time with others. You have to do what you have to do and he will eventually start to realize that you are in fact, going to come back and pick him up again. It seemed to be pretty common with the boys in Eva's playgroup to have the more intense separation anxiety.

    You are a great mom! Try to hang in there!

  2. Thanks so much for the encouragement! It means a lot!